Miracle Grow

We’re not horticulturists really my husband and I. Our garden is more Sahara than Chelsea and the plant life has a sort of post-apocalyptical look to it but there is one plant that seems to have taken a sudden growth spurt. Where once there was a fairly meek, spindly looking shoot, there is now a distinctly thicker, healthier chilli plant. It’s evolved from lack lustre to luscious in just a few weeks. The question is why. We live in damp England and we’re enjoying the usual pendulum-like summer weather that swings from blisteringly warm to wintry cold on the hour each day. We’re certainly more chilly than chilli. So how was this chilli plant suddenly thriving in our erratic British climate?

This would have remained a mystery had I not caught sight of the pesky little beagle out there early yesterday morning and again today and I counted only three paws on the ground. The fourth leg was stretched haughtily into the air in a ballerina pose whilst the telling amber stream arced with impressive precision into the centre of the pot.

Mystery solved.

The only question that remains is whether to tell the husband who has been painstakingly nurturing his seeds into life and wondering why oh why they weren’t growing well. Having moved them “into more direct sunlight” he commented on the sudden and vast improvement and his little face has been the picture of pride. Should I let him believe in his gardening know-how and decision-making skills or spill the truth and dash his confidence? There is the argument that it does no harm to the plant and won’t actually affect the health of the consumer but in my mind now, every little chloroplast or mitochondrion will be saturated with the pee pee of Monty. Each miniscule membrane is passing his water so to speak.

What a dilemma. I’ll be holding back on the spicy food for a little while I think.